Chronicles of Family, Part III
“They think they are better than you,” of which my mother agreed in her latest effort to not defend her children. This nonsense statement remains in my head regarding something my mother’s sister said regarding my siblings and me, even though all that other bullshit they say dissipates quickly. The reason why it’s sticking is for the mere fact that it means they believe we classify ourselves in the same category as them. There is no comparison as I am a different person--I could say the same for my younger brother. I don’t compare myself to my brother’s either as we are different. I compete only against myself and seek to be a better person. That means freeing yourself of the people who stand in your way of being a better you. That's like fighting someone in a different weight class.
As I continue to think about family, my thoughts turn to my ex-wife who took quite a beating at the hands of family. See, yesterday was the day my real family needed to hear the behavior I’ve seen my entire life. They were able to see the deception, lies, and more. No more of this behavior will be accepted in my life and those who have stood with me during this time to provide support on my behalf will no longer have to be exposed.
This has caused me to ponder my previous marriage. Felicia experienced this same abuse and I did little to nothing to defend her. Hell, I was trying to understand what a man should do, so how could I know to defend against those that had power against me. See, as a child, there isn’t enough context to understand the manipulation, the lies, and the mistreatment. It’s difficult to know you want better when you don’t know what better resembles. Well, as an adult, that shit has changed and I will no longer let useless muthafucka’s run in my space, no matter their title.
Felicia and I were married young to escape but ended up succumbing to it anyway. I’ve apologized and she has done the same. Now we can coexist in the same space with no issue and no love lost. To be manipulated into turning away from someone that had my back many times over stung when I realized what occurred. Now, I am not angry about it. On the contrary, it is a data point needed to be a better person. A person that doesn’t judge others, talk nonsense and make up stories behind their backs, communicate to find a resolution versus promoting drama, seek self-improvement and pursue dreams, and most importantly, love me. See, people aren’t that interesting. My family taught me long ago that isolation and reclusiveness work wonders. Why? You aren't around that shit enough to care and it doesn’t stay with you.
Now that my proverbial leash has been released, I will say and do what I believe. My wife no longer contains me as she has done in the past because she is tired of doing the “right thing” and being punished. People will call me wrong, criticize me, rebuke me, and want to cuss me, but that shit I simply use to my advantage. I don’t argue or debate with fools. Allow fools to come together and continue to live in a world they create. It doesn’t mean you have to be a part of that world. Who is the bigger fool? The fool talking the nonsense or the fool that listens to the nonsense. Distance yourself—
People tend to believe that you owe family members because of their title. Shiiiiiitt! I don’t owe anyone whose design has been to tear me down or try to make me feel less than because I’m “educated”, married a white woman, don’t come around, am anti-social, act like my daddy when it’s convenient to say, or any of that other bullshit. Those who know me, know that I’m not anti-social at all. I just don’t fuck with people who add no value to my existence. I don’t hate anyone. It is true that I believe there are those that need to leave this planet to give the rest of us peace, but I don’t hate anyone. To hate means I have to give one fuck about you. I’m just saying.
My point is, do yourself a favor and find out who really supports you, is honest with you, and can have your back when the time comes. When I’m wrong, I apologize. But, don’t feel like you have to placate to people that don’t give a damn about your every day, especially if they sit up and run you down in a current world when love is truly in need. We already have a trash ass person in the highest office. Do we have to deal with trash ass family as well?