Updated: Nov 18, 2020
This is my last entry as I finally faced my mother, who acts as if she has no cognition for things due to her stroke. I’m sick of the games, the nonsense at the expense of those that cared for her in support. I attempted to confront her about the things she has said about my family to her sister with audio and video. She was given a chance to come clean and apologize and chose to squander it being manipulative. It didn't work for Rodney King either--I'm just saying.
I understand they enjoy talking about
people, but why tear down people trying to support you. Why allow someone that doesn’t live in the house tear us down? When I showed the video and played audio of her walking fine and going in the basement, she began to act as if she couldn’t comprehend. Still, she seemed very well on camera dogging everyone--was even quick to blame her sister. If her cognition was so bad, she wouldn’t know to go through the house and deactivate all the cameras. Nah, I busted yo ass, and you can’t take it that I know your game and have exposed you. I’ve always known the game. She got so angry and told me, “I don’t have no family, and you aren’t my son.” Welcome to my reality and dealing with you all these years. I never felt like her son, so there’s no loss. When you are eating in your bed, don’t blame someone else for the crumbs. My final words to her were “Fuck you,” and she will eat those words each day. If my brother remains to care for her, I won’t stop him, but she will not mistreat him. She can always call her oldest son. She helped create me the way I am so satisfied with the result.
Is it necessary to defend your family? Of course. But, let me ask that question a different way. Is it necessary to protect “family” you don’t fuck with? Hell to the naw naw naw. My younger brother always says, “If I fuck's with you, I fuck's with you,” which basically means if you aren’t in my space, you may as well not exist. It’s important to defend those that stand by you, tell you when you’re
wrong, support your efforts, don’t belittle you in a moment of weakness, don’t use your statements against you to score a win in a debate, or share your thoughts to others. These people deserve your loyalty. Often times, they may be few and far between, so when you have them, cherish it. Why? The alternative is those who serve no purpose but to be selfish and to take from you the energy you cherish. I don’t hate my mother, but it’s best for her that I never see her again. So, while people will judge me for my release of that, please do. Leave everyone else out of it and criticize me as it has been done most of my life. Keep your sights on me because while you’re busy blaming me, I won’t give another thought after I place the last period on this blog.
I didn’t wake up and decide to lack empathy and sympathy. That behavior has to manifest from somewhere, and that was evident in the last discussion. I can put to rest her comments regarding killing my twin, my father never liking me, degradation against my accomplishments, and more that I will not divulge. She is in her element right now, and I’m sure she will function there for the remainder of her life. After that day, I grew a level of respect for my father that I didn’t have before. I don’t know how he did it for so long, but I know now that the reason he treated me the way he did was because of her manipulation. It doesn’t absolve him, but I understand. I’m surprised he wasn’t an alcoholic. He had his vices, though.
Please honor those that genuinely love you and show them their value when possible. Value their position until their season is over as that does occur, especially when they become too selfish to know they really are making the relationship all about their needs and insecurities versus a progressive and reciprocal relationship. At my age, my family is firmly set, so I don’t necessarily worry about that. So. Rajah E. Smart...wait…Dr. Rajah E. Smart can now close another chapter of his and keep moving forward with the gifts my mother gave me that includes not giving one fuck about a person that does not love me at all. For that, I appreciate her fully and wish her the greatest Mother’s Day! For me, people, call or text those of you that experienced the pure love of a mother, and you say how much you appreciate them for all their previous love and continued love.