• Rajah E. Smart, Ed.D.

Chronicles with Family, Part II

People love to paint a picture of things for no other reason just to be negative and nasty. Today, I listened to my mother and her sister run down my wife saying, “that she is of little importance” and my brother and I by saying, “We see the world through rose-colored glasses.” It must be her influence as a white woman on Jac and I or her “honkey” nature, as she is referred to on many occasions. I also heard that “we should never have been raised to think we are better than everyone.” I’m not sure any of us think we’re better than everyone, or it’s more that we don’t fuck with useless people. But, that’s supposed to be family? Things that were said in confidence and out of frustration to others were shared with these people to discuss as if they are the victim. I’ve heard that “I bet his little wife treats her family better.” It’s funny, really because she doesn’t make it home to see her family much. I’ve never seen her family run her down, or her be disrespectful to her parents. They’ve always treated me well and cheered me on through all of my enterprises. On the contrary, she’s a daddy’s girl, and they have an incredible relationship. I’ve seen that woman prepare my mother’s meals against my will because “it’s the right thing to do.” I’ve seen her sit at that hospital each day after my mother’s stroke. I’ve seen her run errands and order groceries for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Can you imagine how she must feel when she learns that people are running her down for doing the right thing? Taking things out of context so that their empty lives can have some level of drama to discuss. I’ve heard people being run down for living their lives that have absolutely nothing to do with them. People can only take so much. I get to hear her sister tell her that we think she is dramatizing the stroke, which we do believe. Especially when I witness her moving through the house as if she has no issue or picking up things with a hand, she claims she can’t use it. It merely comes down to appreciation, but I guess that’s too much to ask. From the beginning, I have not been thrilled about helping in this situation, and now I have little empathy—not that I had much before. However, both my youngest brother and wife stepped up and made me move for their benefit. After today though, I have asked my wife to step back since she is a honkey and of little importance. I’ve asked my brother to focus on his doctoral studies and surround himself with those that can support the effort, as well as avoid those that run tell that. Allow people to show themselves and then keep moving as if it is no consequence--because honestly, it’s not. When people choose to pick sides and listen to one context versus the entire context, leave them where they are because they are of little importance. Why? They add no value to your life and throw more hurdles in your way when there are plenty already in place. There are those you will never satisfy. So, stop trying because it’s a no-win. If I can learn anything from my older brother, just do nothing. He does nothing and gets a pass, so I can learn from that and keep it moving. No shade at all—it clearly shows a dynamic not worth pursuing. I thought my dad was going to be a chore. Man, I was WRONG! None of us are perfect people, but to be put on blast even after you’ve done your due diligence. Yeah, that shit gets old, especially when it’s not in you to be that way anyway. That shit they do isn’t love, it’s negativity and hate. Since they can do it better, it may be time to let them--

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