Updated: Feb 24
Ouch. This is a tough topic for me, having just gone through a breakup that nearly cost everything. How do you know if anyone loves you? I have a sure proof way to if they don’t. in a previous blog, I expressed some deep feelings for my lady, and we still didn’t make it. Before the assumptions, rest assured it was not due to infidelity. The weirdest thing occurred. I did so much for her and made her a better person, but it still wasn’t enough in the end. Why? This kid was drained! All that work amounted to nothing. I’ve learned that a person with a selfish backbone won’t amount to much in a relationship and always will suck the life out of you.
Don’t get spoiled confused with selfishness. Spoiled is more related to pampering and getting used to pampering. Pampering is not love but is a nice byproduct of when you love or someone loves you. Rajah wrote a blog some time ago, and I’ve read it several times about how he places people in a tertiary category. “These people have shown you countless times a level of selfishness that keeps the relationship, or lack thereof, at a standstill. The characteristics include untrustworthiness, judgment, selfishness, and unfairness.” When someone does not love you, these are the characteristics you feel. It’s damn crazy how you could be with someone, and you’re treated like a second-class citizen.
I spent five years with this lady and have nothing to show. She all but told me I love you, but my school was taking up too much of my time. Bettering myself took too much time away from her. She said, “I love your drive, passion, and mind, but you don’t have much time for me. Can we just be friends?” I tried being friends with her but when I called her, she blocked me, so my texts never went through, and I was sent directly to voicemail. We laughed about this in the group because that meant she started wrong with a new man. Treating me that way means she never loved me in the first place to disrespect me like this. The sad part is her behavior was kind of always like this.
Love provides a level of respect, but it’s not respect based solely on how one person in the relationship feels. It’s having the courage to discuss your differences and develop a respectful approach to progress. If you can’t do that upfront, there is not enough love. She once told me, “I love you, but you disrespected me by taking that call from your group member only because it was a woman.” It was 2:42 PM.
If you love someone, is there a but? I love my aunty and she get on my first, second, and third nerves sometimes. I love her to death, though, and I know what she loves me. I found in my previous relationship what that but means. It means I love you by my parameters and could care less about yours. I am supposed to be treated this way. Too bad she didn’t earn that.