Kids are Overrated by Rajah E. Smart, Ed.D.

Updated: Feb 5, 2020

When I say this, those with kids get offended without understanding the meaning. Not sure why -- I’m speaking from birth to young adulthood in a comprehensive way. Also, I was not raised in an environment that made me think having children was a return on the investment. Both my parents were narcissistic in their respective way. It doesn’t mean they were bad parents--it simply means they gave what they could. Hell, back in the day, folks were expected to have children regardless if they should or not. Actually, that hasn’t changed much. For some folks, we pray they never have kids so the bloodline is cut off.

Looking at me and my brother's, you would think my parents had the right formula as I believe we are intelligent, responsible, and functional. Whoever questions that is a fool. Or, those who try to make my mother believe she messed up with us is a fool. She’s being cared for our way when folks stay out of the way and I believe my mother understands that now. So, things are quiet again and she’s ceased manipulating but I digress.

My son was lucky as he had a chance to see both sides of the coin. I married a woman who simply loves children and his real mother loves him in her own way. Thus, he could see people that cared for and nurtured him. Essentially, she took the first half of his life and I took the second half. Personally, I would guess that we share a similarity in my son and his children. I’m not much for nurturing nor am I willing to sacrifice my life or peace for children. If I see them cool, but I’m not the parent kind of dude.

I view children as a prison sentence. Once you have a child, you get an automatic 18 to life. Hell, you have two and that’s a double life sentence. So, if you’re selfish, do not have kids for their sake. I had one and knew that was all I needed. Repeating myself over and over about washing the dishes, doing homework, staying away from the girls, protecting yourself, and the repetition of decisions that I already explained would cause pain were unnerving. It doesn’t mean I don’t care for or love my son. It simply means I would never do it again. However, I do have joy in watching him with his children. Payback!

He text me one afternoon and said, “Dad, you should pay my bills because I didn’t ask to be here.” In my most honest response, I said, “you better talk to your mom because if it was up to me, you wouldn’t be here now.” It may have seemed cruel but after raising him, he owes me money. As a parent, children are great when they are babies but then you have to drag them around everywhere you go. When I’m on vacation, I see men dragging their children around and I feel warm. Why? Because it’s not me! Children grow older and begin to run their mouths. Then, you can’t wait till they graduate from high school and go away. They begin to believe they know the world and you don’t have a clue about a damn thing. They want everything but can give absolutely nothing.

Grandkids are another story. Grandkids are easy because you can play with them and send them home. You can return them to the owner only after a couple of hours. Now that’s a concept I can get with. With grandkids, you are at the grace of the mother and not the father.

My point to all this is to please be mindful when having children. Be mindful of who you have children with as well. You have to have the desire to have them and be unselfish in their care and growth, and truly appreciate the process of watching them grow into adults. If you are not able to do so, the outcome can be a long tenure. Some of the kids I have seen grow were fun babies and now are irritating young adults. I’ll pass…

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